There's a shelf, about my eye level. There's some kind of cat litter spilled all over it, the organic sort that's made out of old sandwiches or something, I don't fucking know. I went to sweep it into a garbage bag.
Pulled a big leaky bag of the stuff down and stared at the layer that was left on the shelf.
Because it was MOVING. And RUSTLING. There was a pen lying on top of the cat litter, and the pen was jiggling up and down. Just slowly, but just enough. You ever watch cat litter and see it heave? You don't wanna.
You guys, that cat litter was full of the biggest fucking maggots you ever saw. Some of those bastards were more than an inch long. That's almost three centimetres, for those who need to think about huge maggots in metric.
FUCKING WALKING AROUND IN THIS FUCKING CAT LITTER JUST BEING ALL HEY MAN STOP MESSING WITH OUR HOME
FUCKING ENORMOUS MAGGOTS RIGHT AT MY FUCKING EYE LEVEL
Fortunately Uri David came out at that point to tell me it was time to stop for Shabbat, or I might have stood transfixed in horror until night, and then I would have been IN A DARK SHED WITH ENORMOUS MAGGOTS.
I don't think we'll have to move house over this; it may be sufficient just to burn the shed to the ground. After Shabbat. If the maggots don't rise up in a body and come and invade the house in protest at having their habitat disturbed.
SHABBAT SHALOM, YO.
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